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Friendships, like any relationship, are filled with joy and challenges. They have seasons of closeness and distance, and of amity and strife. If we don’t figure out how to deal with the (occasionally grating) humanity of the people we wish to be close to, or the conflicts that can arise in a friendship, we are resigning ourselves to loneliness.

Narration on a guest column by Emma Nadler begins: As a culture, we are trending too far into the notion that our friendships should always serve us—as if every challenging period should lead to termination. Illustration of two friends arguing. They stand on a representation of messages, books and posts reading: How do I tell my friend it’s over; How should I break up with my friend? Drop her! She’s toxic; Friend breakup 10.

Let’s be clear: There are good reasons to exit a friendship. Split-screen of three scenarios: Someone pointing a finger at a companion, with a hand on their shoulder; someone belittling or making fun of someone; a person stealing from a friend.

But friendships, like any relationship, are filled with joy and challenges we must learn to navigate. Portrait of the author, Emma, taping up a cartoon heart. She says: Thinking of ending a friendship? Here are 5 things to try instead. Small annotation pointing to her: Emma Nadler, psychotherapist

(1) Ask for what you want. Share what you are hoping for with as much detail as possible. Two friends sitting across from each other at a coffee shop. Friend: I love our time together — and I'm feeling sad about not seeing you as much lately. Would you be up for doing a regular monthly coffee?

(2) Work through conflict Two friends having a conversation while walking their dog .Friend A: I'm sorry I missed your birthday party. I've actually been struggling... and then sometimes I get stuck at home. I brought you a card today. Friend B: Oh, that means a lot to me. Friend A: Could we also get another walk on the calendar? It would be good to stay connected. Annotations point to the steps: Face-to-face meeting; Warm and gentle approach;Own up to your own shortcomings; Follow up

(3) Assume positive intent. Inset of friend rushing into a lunch date. Large-scale profile of the other friend mirrored; one has furrowed brows and a frown; the other is smiling slightly with raised eyebrows. Friend A: I’m so sorry I’m late! Friend B, thinking, left side of panel: Ugh she doesn’t value my time anymore. Friend B, thinking, right side: Well, she has been overwhelmed with work lately. This is probably not about me — Especially because she's usually on time.

(4) Try something new Two friends chatting over drinks. Friend A: We usually meet for happy hour but how about… Icons representing a variety of activities: Physical activity (Sneakers), Cultural event (Salsa/ballroom dancing costumes); Group gathering (Balloons), Double date (Four movie tickets)

(5) Stay connected but less close. A person sitting in the middle of rings of heads representing different people. Narration: Think of your circles of friends like the rings of a tree trunk. Those closest to you need to be chosen wisely and are subject to change.

And finally, remember: We need each other.  If we don’t figure out how to deal with conflicts that can arise, we are resigning ourselves to loneliness. Emma and one of the friends standing in front of a tree. One side has its leaves falling off and wafting toward the reader; the other side is lush and green with flowers blooming. More flowers bloom on the bottom of the panel. Emma says: Some seasons of friendship are easier to weather than others, but often the effort is worth it.

Emma Nadler is a psychotherapist and the author of “<a href="https://emmanadler.com/village-of-eden-book" target=_blank>The Unlikely Village of Eden: A Memoir</a>.”

We welcome your comments on this column at <a href="mailto:OnYourMind@washpost.com">OnYourMind@washpost.com</a>.

Emma Nadler

Five things to try instead of ending a friendship

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Five things to try instead of ending a friendship

If we don’t figure out how to deal with the (occasionally grating) humanity of the people we wish to be close to, we are resigning ourselves to loneliness.

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